Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
