did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
