i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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