I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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