community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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