I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
