she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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