i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
