I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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