my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
