he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
