I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
