Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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