I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
