I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
