Hey man sorry I got all grabby
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
