we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
