Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I believe in your delicious
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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