Where is the hickey?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
