PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm always down for nudity.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
