My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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