You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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