There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
