When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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