wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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