I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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