I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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