Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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