I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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