Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
