His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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