he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
