i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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