Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
