If i come over, it means nothing
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
