Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
