And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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