so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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