The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
