I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
