cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
