I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
