the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
