I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
