i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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