I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
