Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
