Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
