Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize