It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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