she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
