im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize