In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
