You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
