I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
