i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
