she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
