Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are we still banned from the library?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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