U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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