im having a threesome with these popsicles
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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