Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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