No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
